A Letter to Monica Hesse About Her “The wives are not all right” Article
The husbands are not all right either.
Dear Ms. Hesse,
I have little doubt that you’re aware of my efforts to challenge The Washington Post’s longstanding gender bias against men, made clear by its imbalanced coverage of domestic violence1 and its 2018 publication of the op-ed Why can't we hate men?
I have previously sent open letters to you about your articles on domestic violence and why women weren’t early astronauts. I have also cc’d you and other Post “gender offenders” to announce new letters I’ve posted to my Letters to The Washington Post Substack.
I respectfully ask that you take the time to read this letter about your recent column, The wives are not all right, and to thoughtfully consider what I say here.
Let me begin with a favorite feminist phrase, “You just don’t get it!”
You have completely overlooked the feminist pink elephant in the room, the ultimate root cause of these articles about divorce: a relentless, hateful, sixty-year feminist campaign of political, legal, and cultural indoctrination directed against men and masculinity.
Your article’s subheading, “What a new crop of books teaches us about marriage and divorce” is wrong. They don’t teach us anything (useful) about marriage and divorce; they only teach us about a warped, sexist, one-sided feminist perspective of marriage. They are but a small part of a massive campaign of gender indoctrination that fits the definition of propaganda given in 1933 by Joseph Goebbels, the Nazi Germany Minister of Propaganda:
“The best propaganda is that which, as it were, works invisibly, penetrates the whole of life without the public having any knowledge of the propagandistic initiative.2
And you, the Post, and most of the western media haven’t a clue about feminism’s “propagandistic initiative”.
Let me ask you: Did you know that one of feminism’s often-stated goals is the destruction of marriage and the removal of fathers from families? Just two among many thousands of pieces of evidence can be found in feminists’ own words or in a feminist consciousness-raising session held by ultra-radical feminist author Kate Millett.
That feminists have largely succeeded in destroying marriage can be found in declining rates of marriage (aided by a feminist-indoctrinated media that encourages women to avoid marriage), in increasing numbers of fatherless children, and the resultant risks to these children.
Another measure of this destructive feminist success can be found in the number of books and articles published where women proudly, publicly – and arrogantly – tell everyone how awful their husbands were and gleefully regale the world with the smug satisfaction of divorcing them.
Why is it almost always women writing about their divorces (and thereby publicly defaming their (ex-) husbands)?
Because for six decades feminists have been telling women that marriage is “oppressive”, “slavery for women”, and “patriarchal”. For 60 years feminists have been fomenting marital unrest by telling lies about men and marriage, for example about domestic violence – concealing that women perpetuate at least half of DV – and telling women that wives do most of the work in a marriage.
Women who write these “my wonderful divorce” articles are clearly oblivious to how “oppressive” marriage really is… for men! You and these women might want to recall the following negative aphorisms about wives and marriage:
“Happy wife, happy life”: reminds husbands everywhere that the wife’s emotional state is more important than his
“If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”:
“We’ve all heard it before. When Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. It’s an interesting observation that says a lot about the world of men and women, a term undoubtedly coined for its accuracy. And it speaks to one amazingly simple but very dark reality. When women are upset, society considers it normal for them to make the people around them suffer. Take exception to me for saying that if you please. I’ll just refer you back to the term that our society coined. You can argue with it if you want to.
“… ‘When momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy,” implies that the unhappiness will be visited on the family. We are talking about mothers here, the female authority in the family. And when the authorities aren’t happy, their wrath isn’t limited to the man of the house. The children are often also in the line of fire.’” – When Momma Ain’t Happy
And if marriage is so terrible for women, why is it almost always the husband who, after a marital spat is “in the doghouse”, must sleep on the couch, and finally, is always the one required to apologize with flowers or other gifts?
It’s clear that you and many of your associates at the Washington Post are mostly clueless about what feminism has become, about feminism’s dark side. If I may suggest, to learn more you might want to start by reading my letter to Christine Emba in response to her July 2023 “Men are lost” article.
My letter includes discussion of how feminism: is founded on lies, has become a hate movement, propagates “idiot hypocrisy” by telling obvious falsehoods, and briefly describes the damage caused by six decades of feminist lies and indoctrination.
Ms. Hesse, I know that your position as a “gender columnist” at The Washington Post really means a “female perspective gender columnist”, but you seem to forget that there are two sexes. In the interest of true – and fair – gender equality, why not write a few columns about the male side of marriage and divorce?
As a suggestion, you might start with a column about Pirates of the Caribbean actor Greg Ellis’ experience with his vengeful wife, where “[he] lost his home, career, and kids overnight after an [alleged] ’10-word lie’ saw him thrown into a psychiatric hospital and dragged through the family courts in America.” 3
It would be well worth your time to read Ellis’ book, The Respondent. It reads like a psychological gender horror story on par with Jordan Peele’s Get Out movie.
The husbands are not all right, either.
Sincerely,
Stephen Bond,
Publisher of "Letters to The Washington Post" Substack
This observation was confirmed by a February 2023 report by The Coalition to End Domestic Violence that described a 10-Year Suppression of the Truth on Domestic Violence by the Washington Post.
The Nazi Conscience, Claudia Koonz, 2004, p. 13
Greg Ellis shares harrowing story after '10-word lie' ruined his life overnight, Vicki Newman, The Mirror, 2021.